Hi folks,
I really enjoyed last night's discussions; hope they were profitable for you. I've been thinking about the comments and discussion around 'words' and helping children negotiate through the racism they will experience. Although words are just that ... words ... they have tremendous potential for healing or hurt, for understanding or undermining, for delight or destruction. So my question is ... How can we use our words to bring healing and wholeness to this world and in particular to the people with whom we live and work?
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17 comments:
I think the way we can bring healing and wholeness to the world is to have a clear, complete meaning of the message sent to the world, instead of using slang, irony, parable, metaphor, etc. in the media, especially, at home because, home is where children build a solid foundation of who they will become and bringing positive, encouraging and influential words and the wholeness meaning to what you bring to them is what they become. I think it's important to take the time to give complete answers and understanding without leaving the child not knowing why or how. That way, it will justify to what was unclear to them.
At work, I think talking about any topic and pointing out the pros and the cons in a discussion helps bring healing and wholeness to understanding one another, and also with our children.
Are you saying, Cora, that valuing people (children included)is crucial and therefore taking whatever time necessary to interact with them in a respectful, caring interchange brings healing? If I'm interpreting your message correctly, I agree wholeheartedly. I believe understanding one another comes from more than a head knowledge -- I may know certain 'things' about a person but never really know the person unless my heart is open to hear and receive. Does that make sense?
in todays society people are who they are because it is what they have learned growing up. do you recall that ol saying children live what they learn? thats exactly what i am talking about because its what you teach your children while they are growing up. for instance, todays kids are hard core video gamers. why is that? well our generations were the first to actually play the games and we got addicted to them and our kids watch what we do. so they end up playing video games. so my point is if you give a child the right guidence about racism and show them how these words of racism can affect somebody {you also have to live by what you say so anther words practice what you preech.}then a child may grow up strong enough to fight racial remarks
Saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Having a sense of humor always helps. I think people should think about what they're saying before saying it, especially in moments of anger or misunderstanding. Or trying to remain positive in stressful situations, helps. Ask questions, before jumping to conclusions.
I couldn't agree with you more, Mark and Hollie. The informative years of childhood are crucial and kids do copy what they see and experience, particularly in their homes. So is there any hope for children who have grown up in racist homes?
I wish we had some fathers in our group, last night, to give their perspective. As with the two articles, our class perspective was lacking 'the other side' --- I'll have to talk to the males in my life to see what they have to say.
My father always use to say, "Treat people the way you would want to be treated". And my mother taught me the power of listening.
Both of these teachings are how I live my life at home and at work.
I taught my children that "stupid" was a bad word. Something that should never be used to describe someone. And they, to this day, when they hear the word used in public say, "Did you hear that Mom? That wasn't a nice word to use!".
And the same goes for work, you speak to everyone with professionalism. The way I speak with my team members is the way I want to be spoken to. I feel that if it wasn't for every client walking in for assistance, I wouldn't have my job. I'm there to service them. And, I try to listen and respond to them with courtesy and understanding.
To bring healing and wholeness, everyone needs to listen to what people have to say (because it does matter), and answer with words that are positive and compassionate. Treat everyone the same, whether they are rich or poor, undereducated or educated, plain or gorgeous. Speak to them the way you would want to be spoken to.
I would have to agree with Ms. Jennifer on this one. She has a good point about teaching her children about the "words". Always treat the people you meet the way you want to be treated. If everyone did that then the world would be a much better place, and we all know that will never happen though anytime soon.
I know from experience how hurtful words can be because i've had people say them to me. I just wish I had the courage to say something back.
I think that maintaining a positive outlook on life is a good way to bring about healing and wholeness. Projecting a positive attitude can create a domino effect.
This is not to say that I can be positive 100% of the time, but I consciously surround myself with positive people and have a tendency to limit my time around negativity.
Our words of course are reflective of our attitude and a means of communication. Our words need to be constructive, optimistic, encouraging, upbeat, affirmative, etc. in order to bring about and/or maintain wellbeing at home or at work.
I think that we have to start in our homes to teach our children that rasicm is not a way for us, you can sit in a classroom and hear what kind of stuff comes out of some kids it is unbeliveable. You'd hear kids talking about other childrens family like "your mother's a drunk" and so forth, where do you think they heard that? In their homes where their family is busy judging others. Thats just an example for one because there is dozens other exmaples, but in all I think we need to start in our own homes.
Well I think that words can go a long way and being able to be confident to use words would be the best place to start. We need to understand meanings of words, and even how we pronounce or present the word is a big thing we use.
For example, when my daughter is feeling a little angry with us (as parents) or she is feeling a little tired. She starts to raise her voice, when we ask her to do something, instead of asking her to lower her voice we ask her to change her tone - cause in though she might not be mad, her voice tends to sound like something she didnt mean to say.
So if we all were to change the tones inwhich we speak maybe this could help.
I think that is a hard question...It is very hard to use words with who we work or live with just because people may see or, hear your words in a different perpective than how you meant to say the word(s). It can be difficult to explain to your children about words that may have hurt them because, sometimes parents may not have a very good vocabulary and not know how to explain the meanings.... so my final thought is just to take it as it comes and to try to do your best in saying and explaining any word you may use.
Your comments a very profound -- indeed, words reflect our attitude and so does the delivery of same. Have you known someone who is saying something, perhaps quite nice, but their eyes and body language is saying something quite different? "Say what you mean and mean what you say" is so fitting. If we listen with our hearts I'm sure we could get past a lot of the exterior stuff people project. We all need to feel we are of value and loved unconditionally. What a different world this would be if we all practice this 24-7. Thanks for sharing -- you're a great group and I feel privileged to be on this part of the journey with you.
I think that there is one thing we have to understand when it comes to children, what we preach at home they see and they do the same, I strongly believe that we are here to set an example and when we make the wrong decisions, they know and they repeat our mistakes. If we want our children to be positive and responsible it has to start at home.
I would have to agree with Virgina, they live what the see and hear. We as adults must understand that we are helping to shape them into responsible adults, helping little people become big people. Inturn, Adults who will treat others with kindness and compasion in all shapes and forms, such as our words and most importantly with actions. I truly believe this is our responsibility.
Teaching our children begins at home at an early age and continues on for a long time. We're their role models, both positive and negative, and our children take cues from what we do and what we say. That is why, I believe, it is important what kind of discussions are being made around the table.
We encourage our children to participate in discussions, even with friends who come to visit. This way, they can see different points of view and learn from others as well. Especially when children are around, words must be chosen carefully. Words can be so damaging, it can only take one word or phrase to alter a child's perception.
It is already difficult to stay on track and be positive and try saying the right things and using the right words, and then we have to content with what's going in society. Someone mentioned video games in their comment, and this is a serious issue to content with. The profanity that is used on some of these games is horrible. Another source of contention are T.V. shows such as South Park and the Simpsons. They have so much popularity and almost impossible to avoid. I've finally given in to telling my kids "at least when I walk in the room, change the channel" as an alternative to totally banning the show.
So I guess my point here is that as parents we must continually teach our children, in spite of exterior influences.
I have to agree with Jennifer, I am also a strongly believe that you should treat people how you want to be treated.
I also believe that children mimic what they see and hear. If we are going to promote and create healing and wholeness in this world with the people whom we live and work with we should start in our homes. We must keep in mind that we should think before speaking. What we find offensive and hurtful is the same for others. When speaking of other races’ we should choose our words wisely, especially around our children. They tend to repeat what they hear and can take what they hear for face value and as the truth. Children see adults as role models, therefore we must be careful what we say around.
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